A letter to my little one (who is not so little anymore)

My dear, sweet little boy:

Here I sit at work on your first birthday. I'm trying so hard not to feel guilty- do you magically know how to tell time now that you're one?! I certainly hope not. 

And it's Mother's Day- what better way to celebrate the anniversary of your birth?! Enter extra pang of guilt <HERE>. Does it count that I'm planning a cupcake-tastic birthday feast for you? Or that I can't wait to see your face at the end of every workday? Honestly, your toothy grin and happy, healthy chuckles make it all tolerable…even when I know a night of sleeplessness more than likley awaits me.

Yes, my son- you are the PERFECT gift...the ULTIMATE blessing. Even when my patience is lacking and I'm functioning on little rest. With you, my life has truly begun. Everyone was right- you really don't know what love is until you have kids. But don't worry- you'll understand that love someday, too.

Love was locking eyes with you as the doctor placed you on my chest, tending to your MANY middle-of-the-night "I'm hungry" cries, and changing endless black-as-tar poopie diapers.

Love is showing you the wonder of a growing garden, relishing in your squeals of delight as you splash in the swimming pool, showing you the stars at night, teaching you white-girl-from-Iowa Spanish (except it will be adapted for little white boys, and even then it will just be the nice words...until kindergarten anyway). : ) 

 

Love is sweating bullets when you try to stand during bathtime, running to catch you as you climb up the stove, wincing when you bite wooden patio furniture...grabbing your sticky, dimpled hand a second before you taste a rock or unsuspecting bug (ideally, but not always the case).

Love is watching your confidence soar as you learn new things, recording your excited laugh in my mind as you walk/run/stumble toward me...love is letting you spin the washer dial for the 50th time, and rejoicing in laundry duties- even when that means you unfold everything I did in fact fold.

And when you sing "ma ma ma ma", I liken it to the voices of angels...you are my unique melody.

Twenty-Five Rules for Mothers of Sons

There are days when I wonder why God trusted me to be a Mama, but then something like Team Studer's Twenty-Five Rules for Mothers of Sons renews my waivering faith. I don't recall how I stumbled upon the article, but it was just too sweet not to share! And mothers to daughters, don't despair; I think several items on the list are gender neutral nuggets that Mamas everywhere can impart upon their kiddos.

After reading through the 'rules', I'm proud to say that I've mastered a few...like #2 ("Be a cheerleader for his life"). It might be drinking from a glass without spills, the way he poops on his 'big-boy' potty or when he repeats something we have practiced over and over...and OVER. I act like it's the biggest, best part of my day (because, well, it is!).

I plan to be better at #8 ("Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity") and definitely keep working on #9 ("Teach him to have manners"). No, you really can't start too young. In terms of impact, I'm inclined to think that 'please' and 'thank you' rank right up there with 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you'. He will know the time and place for all of these and use them without hesitation.

Oh, how I kiss him (#24)! I like to think all the smooches I dole out after work will make up for those I missed during the day...I can never have enough of the 'whole-side-of-my-face-is-wet' kisses he so generously gives.

I'm excited for #23 ("Take him to new places") because I remember how much traveling positively changed my perspective on life.  I want him to have an overwhelming flood of memories from all the adventures we shared...so many that it's impossible to pick out his favorite.

And I hope that no matter how far away he goes, a phone call or a note or a visit will give him the feeling that he is home (#25-"Be home base").

You know what I just realized about my aspirations? Everything I want to be good at also happens to be everything I watched my mother so effortlessly do for me (and my sister and brother). She has always been affectionate, no matter our age. She has always been my cheerleader (track meets, band concerts and dance competitions galore). She, along with my Dad, taught us all the importance of manners and that being intelligent, determined and ethical is something to be proud of because few people have all of those qualities.

Even though she couldn't go with me on my many travels, she was behind the scenes to offer words of encouragment. It seemed as if my experiencing the world was good enough for the both of us. And most importantly, she is still my "home base", even at the ripe old age of 32. The one I share good news with, and the not so good. The one I call when life hands me a mini-emergency (How do I fix lumpy mashed potatoes? I just flooded the house; what do I do?!).

I realize now more than ever that I have some pretty big shoes to fill.

Closing the Gap

I've been thinking a lot about my love for photography and what I want it to convey. There has just been one minor problem- my pesky inner perfectionist, who is quite judgmental! : ) Anyone who reads my posts on occasion knows this is a frequent unwanted bag I lug around. But when I take that heavy load off my shoulders, I feel a freedom in my work that I can't obtain any other way!

Enter an insightful post from Shutter Sisters about being your own creative director and developing a voice and vision in your photography. After reading it, I realized that wrecklessly pursuing these elements means parting ways (permanently!) with my perfectionist tendencies . That nagging, judgmental voice does nothing but put a chokehold on my creativity; that's where I AM.

So this is what I did for "Project 52". I've been following The Deming Photography Club's weekly subject challenges for motivation and Week Four's subject was "Circles". I heard a sweetly sublime chatter, reminding me of a photo idea I had some time ago. So I set everything up and started messing with the settings on my camera.

But only a few moments in, frustration invaded and that annoyingly naggy perfectionist tempted me to quit. After all, I wasn't able to capture the vision I saw in my head, so what was the point of continuing to try? I put my camera down and went on to other more pressing domestic goddess chores like changing diapers and folding clothes, all the while humming tunes from Baby Einstein. : )

And there it was again. My inner divinity urging me to TRY again. So I changed locations, opened up to I Corinthians 13 (which was read at our wedding), and clicked away.


This was my favorite photo of the seemingly three million I took! By listening to my "voice", I found my vision: emotion. I don't want others to look at my photos and say, "That's nice." No, that simply won't do. I want them to feel something. That's where I want TO BE.

The Jackpot!

So I came home to a suspiciously pristine white envelope addressed to me from New Mexico Magazine a few days back. I figured it was just a clever ploy to get a few gift subscriptions, but secretly HOPED maybe it would be a nice congratulatory letter saying, "We published some of your work!" If you recall from a previous post, I threw caution to the wind and submitted photos for a few upcoming contests. After all, you can't win if you don't play, right?

I feel like I won the proverbial jackpot! If you flip to page 33 in the February 2012 issue of New Mexico Magazine, you'll see MY photo, 'Tres Hermanas' listed under Honorable Mention in the Sense of Place category. It's slide 18 of 37 to be exact and yes, I'm proud all right? I'm usually not one to toot my own horn, but since one of my goals for 2012 was to get some photography work published, I can't help it! This little girlie is glowing like a nighttime"vacancy" sign outside a dodgy motel! Now that I've collected my giddy self, on to the crux of the matter.

This little victory summoned a story from one of my favorite books and I recalled how a cherished pastor used it to remind me that God blesses everyone with talents. He gives us everything we need and then some, but only we can rid ourselves of the fear and self doubt that too often prevent us from pursuing our dreams. P.S. Those dreams are usually just your God-given talents in clever disguise! :)

Here's to using YOUR talents in 2012!

"Tres Hermanas"

Oh, Cozi- How I Heart You!

One of my initial reasons for starting this blog was to bring some personal accountability into my quest for an organized life. Consequently, I hoped that being more time efficient would clear calendar time for hobbies and interests that have long been lingering on the back burner.

I wrote awhile ago about the fabulous FlyLady and how her ideas had helped me regain a bit of control over household CHAOS (if you peruse her site, you'll learn what this stands for). I have to admit that I've been fluttering ever since returning to work, and there have been a lot more days than not where I just threw in the towel and said, "Whatever will be, will be!"

But despite this frequent feeling of defeat, I vowed to continue feeding my healthy addiction to Cozi. Thanks to the FlyLady, I discovered this precious organizational gem, and it has brought some much-needed calm into my world. You see, pre-Cozi, on many a trip to the grocery store with my entourage of post-it notes (because that's what normal people use for a grocery list, right?!), I kept thinking there had to be SOMEONE out there like me who dug neat, tidy lists all in one place.

And like an answer from above, I met you, Cozi! I signed up and was instantly greeted with all kinds of organizing goodies...under one tidy roof! For instance, there's a tab for:

the family calendar (color code to your heart's delight!)

to-do lists (for each person or the whole household!)

shopping lists (make one for each store you frequent and say goodbye to the post-its!)

a handy journal feature (I use it to jot down baby boy firsts complete with cutesy pictures of him in the act!)

menu planning (I add internet recipes to the menu list, then drag and drop into the day I want to prepare them. Out of something that the recipe calls for? Just tell Cozi to put the ingredients on your shopping list! I'm serious- no need to say please or whisper sweet nothings into Cozi's internet ear. Cozi just does it!)

Let me just establish right now that the amount of exclamation points I use does NOT correlate in any way to my excitement level for Cozi's features. It's just that I really despise folks who go crazy with punctuation, and I don't want to be one of those people. I use exclamation points sparingly. So when you see me include one, that means pay attention, it's important!

I know you're probably thinking that all this sounds too good to be true (the Cozi goodness, not my refusal to over-use exclamation points). But indeed, it gets better. Cozi is FREE (yes, FREE!).

And for those embracing the whole smartphone craze (it'll never last! ha), Cozi offers a mobile application for Android, iPhone and BlackBerry devices. The bonus here- hubby can be at the store shopping and any changes I make from home are instantly updated to his device!

However, it's not quite ready for roll-out in the mobile versions. Dear Cozi, if you're reading, if you're listening- please offer this feature soon and just maybe I'll be inclined to give you a big "Thank you", complete with two exclamation points! : )

Feeling a Bit Inspired...

I must thank Michelle Franco and her "Project 52" for giving me some inspiration today. Michelle issued the challenge not just to the Deming Photography Club, but to everyone in need of some inspiration each week of the New Year. While my ideas didn't transform so well into the end result, it's still progress! : )

The year's first project was "Green" and my favorite is the first one- "In God We Trust"; such a simple phrase with a very powerful meaning. That's where I'll be placing my trust, and if the very first day of the New Year is any indication, I've made the right decision!

The photo above was my initial submission for "Green", which holds a near and dear spot in my heart....many of you know why. :)

Steady by Jerks...er, Notes.

I actually thought my ability to multi-task and compartmentalize projects would return to its heightened level of glory post-baby, but I was surely wrong.  I suspicion if you cracked open my brain at any given moment, you'd see the Mad Hatter running around maniacally, jumping from one gray-matter blob to the next, sporting a pair of jumper cables saying, "I wonder what THIS will do?" Bzzzzzz....welcome to my short-circuited life with self-diagnosed ADD. Glorious. But that's how it feels; like I'm constantly jumping from one thing to another. I crave one day, just ONE, where I can concentrate on and complete one lovely task at a time...poo, I have clothes to fold. Did I pay the electric bill? When was the last time I took my vitamins?!

Welcome to 'Pregnant Brain', folks. Well, congratulations, you might be inclined to think...I didn't know you were expecting! That's the funny part about it all-I'm not...REALLY, I'm not!! It's just that 'Pregnant Brain' NEVER seems to go away. What a farce; much like those dreamy Baby Center posts suggesting varicose veins also disappear after your little one arrives.

Despite my newest affliction, I'm still giving the whole organizational idea a whirl. In fact, I'd have to be honest and say I've made a bit of progress...I DO write stuff down; it's just not all in one place...YET!

Enter my newest pursuit in quasi-organization: the EverNote iPhone application. What the crap am I doing with an iPhone you may ask? Believe me, I've asked myself that question a lot in the last month or two....but I digress (enter "Pregnant Brain" reference above).

I can snap photos, dictate a note or just type one out...then EverNote lets me organize those meandering thoughts into individual notebooks. I have one labeled for gift ideas, recipes, all things sweet-baby-boy, and one just for ME. And I'm vowing not to put anything task-related in mine...because tedious chores and hippie creativity don't really play well together.

Another juicy geek-infested function I love about EverNote: you can sync the Smartphone notebooks with documents/notes/random to-do lists on your computer. The real challenge for me, as you may have already guessed, will be REMEMBERING that next week...heck, who am I kidding? We'll see if this little nugget o' knowledge is still with me at the end of today! :) I've got Preggo Brain-might as well embrace it!

Another first...

I submitted photos for the Southwest Environmental Center's 2012 photo contest, another first for me.

Although I wish they had selected some of my better work (there goes the inner perfectionist again), I'm still pleased to have some selections in the contest!

You may vote for my photos through the links below; the 12 with the most FB 'likes' make it into the calendar! I'll take all the help I can get!


Southwest Environmental Center 2012 Photo Contest

Southwest Environmental Center 2012 Photo Contest